verylongfarewell | 2 | being courageous

I had a tough day yesterday. My foot was being a complete ass about everything, it was swollen, it was ouchy (but not alarmingly so, just enough to be irritating and disruptive), and I had a visit from my assisted living person which was, for some reason, really hard although we didn't tackle anything truly difficult. Just sitting there talking about how I was... It was depressing.

My head was also everywhere at once, I had a million ideas I wanted to pursue and ended up focusing on something completely different than what I had initially planned (Gorgo), but having learned just a bit about myself at this point, I know that letting myself run to the ends of these ropes, when my mind's like that, is the best solution. My original ideas aren't going anywhere, and I don't gain anything from holding myself back out of some fear of not being devoted enough to my plans.

So, I let loose yesterday, which was probably the one redeeming feature about it, really. I just... went with the idea I had, which was a random "Edo period Japan" historical one, one I can never publish or anything, because cultural appropriation much - but if I want to, I can write it for my own sake. That's how writing works best for me anyway. No pressure from an awaitening audience. No critics. Just me and my words.

So, spontaneously, I partook in a writing event one of the others in the Discord group held last night which was a fun prompt-based event where we just had to write random scenes based on prompts like, "your character has died and now has to explain to God/Death/whoever why they shouldn't be there" and I got some actual writing done for it and ended up with at least two scenes I was very satisfied with, shared above!

Originally, I wrote this verse from Natsu, the MFC's PoV, but I think I might change it to Isamu's, the MMC's instead. I don't know, I just feel better writing male characters at the moment, something about it doesn't drain me as fast. Or makes me feel self-concious. So, I'll try writing a scene from his PoV today and see if it comes as easily to me as Natsu's voice, otherwise I'll just change back.

My foot is still ouchy and I have to really be careful with it today, not overdo anything. Maybe get some good naps, so the swelling can go down properly once in a while.

Yesterday, K. picked up food at our local slow-cooking restaurant and we had some kind of chicken stew with rice, because she had piano classes and couldn't be bothered to cook, but I hope we figure something out tonight that we can make ourselves - maybe even something I can cook, if my foot is better.

I want to help more, it's just... everything requires a lot of standing up or walking around and I'm just not quite there yet. It frustrates me to no end. I think that was what I was depressed about yesterday, to be honest.

Today I just want to indulge myself and not think too much about it.