verylongfarewell | 38 | slamming through walls

I have researched for the Sappho project I have wanted to write for almost a year and a half now. On and off, but pretty much consistently returning to it. I have a notebook full of historical data, literary notes, etc. In a lot of ways, I've felt ready to embark on this journey for a while, yet I just haven't been able to get started. Too many possibilities. Too many stories I wanted to tell.

It did help, the trilogy idea I got last week-ish and after thinking about my story in terms of it not having to fit into just one novel, it somehow got a lot less overwhelming, although writing three novels is also a feat I'm not sure I'll ever manage.

Maybe that's the reason why I still felt tied by the hands, however - until I just sat down and decided, just because the Anaktoria book is first in the series, doesn't mean I have to write it first. Actually, working backwards towards Sappho's youth might even be easier than working chronologically.

So yesterday, when K. had to admit, she was too tired to write on our project, I sat down with the third and final novel in the series, Kleïs' story, and I wrote a full synopsis and then, dare I say it, I just began writing chapter 1. Just... started pouring words out. It was remarkably easy. I have five pages so far which is nothing, of course, but this project has sat lodged in my throat for the past 18 months, getting something out - and in Danish of all things?? It is a small miracle.

I wish I could share a snippet with you, because I'm actually quite proud, but well. I can give you my word, this is some of the most interesting writing I have ever done. I look forward to picking it back up once the City-verse novel is done and over.

Today, though, was supposed to be in Marie-Claude's name.

I got the idea of writing her New Year address to the people which will fall in the interim between my latest letter for JL from her and the next she receives from him, so it could be interesting to see what she's doing politically in that time. I've been reseaching some Danish PM's New Year addresses from past years and gotten an okay idea about what I want her to touch upon. Seems to be equal parts reflection on the past year and promises for what they want to do in the future.

So I have to think up some political agendas she has. Things she finds important. Education, definitely, but besides that... Finance, since her financial negotiations are coming up in early January, too... Maybe a mix of the two.

I've felt a little off the past two days, I can't really put my finger on why or how. I just feel somewhat disconnected and worried about everything. We're visiting my parents on Thursday which can definitely be part of the reason, but also I just feel... stressed? When K.'s vacation is finally beginning?? Her last day of appointments was Friday, yesterday she spent recuperating and today has felt... very normal We slept in, had good breakfast, getting stuff done... I don't know what it is that's getting to me.

Sometimes, in the past, vacation is a time of change for me, since it fucks with my habits and such, so it usually takes me a couple of days or three to settle in with the new routine (or lack of same). However, K's vacation started last Friday afternoon! This is a bit late in the process to feel this unsettled about it.

Though, of course, she's had plans almost every day the past week. Maybe my system is only catching up now.

Might be another aspect to it. It's very inconvenient either way.

And my ankle is hurting and I'm having flashbacks to when I fell. I just feel very triggered today, I think.

Crap.